Ready

I am so ready to be back home. To be in my bed again to see my fluffy puppies and not as much white stuff... It is a race to get out of here before we could get 10 more inches of snow Tuesday night! I can't believe I will be "pregnant" tomorrow! I am beyond excited. I know I should calm my hopes incase it doesn't work but this will be the closest I have ever been to being knocked up!
For all my Non IF-ers please dont be afraid to ask me about anything if I confuse you with my posts!

Tomorrow will come quickly and I probally wont sleep well but wish us luck!

So confusing

Well this morning was a super easy drive as no 6am Sat morning traffic. I had BW and US again. This was the 4th dr I saw. LOL She was nice and informative. They keep saying I am slow to respond but getting better. I will still be on 300iu Gonal-f and 4 vials of Menopur. Today I asked why she thought I was slow to responding to the injectable. When we had done IUI's with clomid I always saw 2-3 eggs and the month before we did the Mini IVF I had an egg ready to ovulate on it's own. So I am not unresponsive but she thinks that I might have a low egg reserve. The nurse assumed I had PCO ovaries but I have never been diagnosed PCOS and I have not had the symptoms of PCOS. So it is just confusing and I am not really sure if there is a test to see how many eggs I have in my ovaries.

I am proud of me as i didn't break down and cry when she told us this... I wanted to and I am totally a crier but i didn't. I joked with DH if this doesn't work because my eggs do not seem to do anything right we are going to adopt a child from Haiti. We were never told we might have an issue with my eggs so this is a little more heartbreaking. Especially with losing 45lbs since last year.

The Dr called and said my E2 levels are up and looking good so WOO HOO for sleeping in tomorrow!

Sweet 16

So I had my US and blood work this morning, My lining is at a 7 and I have 12 follies on the right and 6 on the left but 2 of the are under 8mm so they don't think they will get bigger. I actually had a 12 on each side a few 11's and 10's and a bunch of 8's. The Dr I saw today was really positive about evering thing he just believes we are more at the point of cycle day 6 then cycle day 8 because I didn't respond to the meds like they had wanted and that we would have tomorrow off... NOT The IVF nurse just called and guess what... I have to do 4 vials of Menopur tonight (300iu) This shot hurts and feels like I am putting liquid fire in to my skin and I am doubling it.. WTF I always forget to ask for my E2 levels but I am assuming they are not very high if we are going up!

I think a little shopping therapy to counter act the stress is well deserved!

So I am definitely a righty (update)

Well I have 10 follies... all around 8-6 so nothing super special. But 7 of these are in my right ovary. They are saying I am not responding to the meds like they want. That 1200 E2 was actually 38 E2... So no phone call yet about this morning's blood work. So I am on 300 Gonal-f and 150 Menopur. The dr thinks I will just be one of those to have a long cycle. No ER till day 14 or 16 of stims. That puts us some where around the 4th or 5th of February for ER! I will certainly be sick of shots by then. I would love a sleep in day tomorrow and then back for Blood work and US on Friday! This northern weather is not very nice for my sinuses I am so congested and stuffed up it is not fun! Though the cold weather makes the hot flashes easier! Wow I am full of exclamation points today what is up with that, like everything else I'll just blame the meds.

I will update when I find out my levels.

Update.....
Well no call for my e2 levels so i will take no news as good news so tomorrow will be a day off and sleeping in. Thank u all for ur support it makes this time a lot easier.

Totally Tired and scared shitless (update)

Wow what a 48 hours is has been. I have totally been MIA. Well we got here Sunday night and the flight was ummm not being able to sit next to my husband and instead sitting next to a really nice couple from DC with a 6 month old. Oh well that is the risk with Southwest! So my SIL said she wasn't ready for us to stay with her so she paid for us to stay at a Hilton by her house. Oh how sweet, Oh what a horrible night! OK imagine the nastiest porno you have ever heard about (because us good girls would have never watched a porno..LOL). That is what went on in the room next to us from 1045-I guess close to midnight. All the Oh, gods and loud screams and moans and spankings and give it me's I never want to hear again!

Then the alarm clock goes off at 4:45am as we have an hour and 15min drive to WR. We get there at 6:30am right on time I was number 22. Uggg how do people get there so early? Then they stuck me 3 times. I had a horrible tech but it is a learning Hospital and I was her guinney pig(can't spell).

So I had to pick up meds at 8am WOW the big bag of meds I was supposed to get last week that took them like forever. So we had some time as DH had an Urology App at 1pm. It would have been a beautiful day to go to the Mall in DC but it was POURING! So we decided to go check out Bolling AFB. Cute base. So little but cute. After going to the BX and the Library and giving ourselves a tour it was 11:45 we head back threw DC grab some Pot Belly and get back just in time .

We were there till 2 the waiting and app took an hour, then we headed up to pre-admission as in case DH count is not good on whatever day the ER is they might have to do the MESA. We were there till 4:30 wating for the different dr's and nurses to check him off his list.

We finally got to my SIL at 6. Well I am EXHAUSTED by now and if there was a wore that ment more tired the exhausted that would have been me. We ate dinner and I crashed on the couch sometime before House was over.

Oh wait lets back up... I get this voice mail as we are waiting for DH's check list to get filled that there will be no Menopur tonight only lupron as my E2 levels are too high... they don't know if this is a lob error as a few ladies were too high but for only being on stims for 3 days I saw my number at 1,236 so for what was to be our 1 for sure sleep in day we were up again at 5am to go have blood work done. She said if my levels stay to high (now there has been no US yet for them to know for sure what my follies look like) that they will just have to cancel the IVF.... OMG freak out. We didn't come all this way and pay all this money for this. So I wait for my 2 or 3pm phone call and see what she says. I also went from 150 gonal-f to 75 this morning. I am so worried because time is not ours. If DH wasn't so close to deploying I wouldn't care as much but what am I supposed to do it they cancel. I HATE WHAT IF's!!!!!!! I ALSO HATE PEOPLE HAVING PORNO SEX IN THE ROOM NEXT TO YOU AT A HOTEL WHEN YOU ACTUALLY NEED SLEEP!! Ok I'll update when I find something out!!!

UPDATE!!!!!

So the Nurse called me and guess what....MY E2 is at 48... Yes 48 I am still shocked

WTF was up with my numbers yesterday who's vial did they think was mine. So that is actually Super LOW! OMG WTF

So this is a picture of what my levels should be progressing this mornings bloodwork would have been for cycle day 4 of stims. I should be alot higher then 48. But for my non IVFers lol this gives you an idea of what I am so upset about!

So tonight is 225 IU of Gonal-f and 150 Menopur and the 5 of Lupron. Wow I am expecting not a very good night sleep and lots of hot flashes which have been my worst symptom. So tomorrow morning is blood work and an US.. I will update you all tomorrow evening. Lets hope that even with my low levels we will have a good dozen follies!

Almost packed and nervous to go!

So I just want to say I LOVE the q-cap! OMG how do you mix meds without it? I couldn't do it with those big needles I would be all thumbs.

Well I am sure I have over packed for the next 18 days as my SIL will have a washer and a dryer but oh well. I can't wait for my U/S on Wednesday, Monday is just blood work and some DR time for DH.

Oh my the story of the messed up SA. A TMI long very mad story of bad timing and not knowing that DH would have to give a SA when we were up there in Dec any whoo with already having a low count he didn't give a 3 day waiting SA, more like a 24 hr SA.. So WR Dr's think he has a super low count. Well we paid for our own SA here and he count came back to his normal 2.5 million not 500,000 which I know doesn't sound like a big differance but it is the differance between TESA and ICSI. Also a lot more money. So he has to see an Urologist and get one more SA done and a check by the Dr.

I wish WR allowed us to store eggs instead of making them all embryos. I know that is strange to read but with us not knowing really what my DH chromosome abnormality might mean because the Dr's can't give us a diagnoses we are just in limbo until the embryos are implanted. If they could store eggs and only fertilize half if there was something wrong we would hopefully still have eggs left to decide what to do next instead of starting from the beginning and worrying about the embryos that were frozen. That is just my rambling thoughts. At a traditional IVF center we would have that choice but I don't believe we do at WR.

Oh random thought my Gonal-F didn't hurt this morning but Lupron Killed last night. I have gotten to the point my belly is super sensitive and I can't shoot there at all anymore. Thank you think thighs for taking it for the team. Well it is off to finish the packing we are sad to miss the Jets vs Colts! But I am hoping the Vikings can beat the Saints!

Wow that really burns!

Well this morning was my first Gonal-F I gave it to myself in my upper thigh since I was going straight to the commissary after. WOW that burned I had my Ice Cube ready but it still wasn't very nice.

Wish me luck with the Menpur tonight.

Oh tonight is also our Valentines Day this is the last night Dh and I get brown chicken, brown cow, for at least a month if this deployment happens as soon as it could it might be 7 months!

Tender

So I don't start my stims till Friday but I am feeling so tender in my lower abdomen. TMI warning but I am also have bright red discharge. IDK if this normal or what I guess I will call the nurse in the morning!

Walter Reed update

I had a great weekend. It was really nice to have a Girls Weekend with Amanda and her MD Clan! LOL

So Monday was a very EARLY morning. I was up at 5:15am to get to WR by 6:20am. there was no traffic because of the holiday. Well they had told me to be there by 6:45am and even though I got there early i was #18 for the morning out of 25.

I met a girl named Jen on the exact same schedule as me. Whoo hoo an IVF buddy. It will be nice to have someone to compare with side affects and progression.

So I start 150iu of Gonal-f on Friday morning and then 75iu of Menopur Friday night with 5iu of Lupron. Wow 3 shots a day! I am for sure going to have to move on to giving them in the top of my thigh as my belly is already bruised. The IVF nurse warned me that the Gonal-f is really a bad drug and that I might need an ice cube after the injection. What reactions or helps have youg Hope for a baby's blog I am scared out of my mind to just do the single transfer. I would rather have 2 at 3 day then 1 at 5 day. IDK it is such a hard choice after all the time and money and emotions that come with IVF to make that choice.

My dad arrives Thursday to give some comfort and watching my doggies as we are away.It is nice to know he will be here.

Well my lap top wont be done till I am back from WR and My wonderful friend Amanda is letting me borrow hers. She is so sweet! This weekends trip was a blast thanks for coming with me Amanda!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well I leave today to go to MD. My friend Amanda is going with me as she has been wanting to take a trip back to her local hang out. I am not nervous about seeing the DR's for my baseline I think the butterflies of really really starting the whole IVF is now here. I am not really sure how traveling with Lupron will be with TSA. I know I will be fine with the vile but I am not sure with the syringes. Now this wouldn't be an issue if my shot time wasn't in the middle of our flying time!

I am also excited to meet some more Military Wives or couples that are going threw exactly what we are. Not that I feel like the people in my life don't understand I just am feeling extra emotional with it all especially with the deployment looming over our heads.

This weekend is going to be fun, new people to meet, new places to eat and just a great Ladies weekend! The only place I have ever gone without my husband has been home to my mom's so this is a new one.

Have a great weekend!

This is me on my laptop yesterday. This is what most of my days are spent doing!

My Timeline

So a few days we got our more specific timeline. I have to get my first baseline appointment on the 18th but with DH deployment prep I will be going to WR by myself but just for the weekend. Then to come home for the week and both head up there for our appointments on the 25th. I still hate the thought of them taking blood almost every day as I have horrible veins! So the lupron isn't too bad so far. No major or minor side affects. Monday will be my last BC pill and so it will be just the synthroid in the morning and Lupron at night. I found out my progesterone will be a inter muscular shot in my hip or booty LOL this is not a fun thing as DH might be gone before these shots are done. WTH am I going to do then. I am very lucky to have friends that will help, but it is just the beginning of things he will not be here for.

I am sad for the things he will miss if we conceive and I am sad for the thoughts of having to be alone if we do not.

Dear Lupron

Dear Lupron,

I don't like you. You burned, the needle hurt, and you made me feel sick to my tummy. How the next 2 weeks as we do our nightly dance I will not like you and you will keep hurting me.

You better do your job in the process of trying to make many, many eggs! Not that is what you do but you better do what you are supposed to do which I am not really sure what that is. LOL

Please try to be nicer to me tonight.

Love,

Sarah

$5,374

$5,374 is what we paid to Walter Reed yesterday to be financially cleared I hope to get my baseline date some time today. I know to most of you who also are doing treatments without insurance that looks really reasonable for a cycle and then to those of you who are not doing fertility treatments that looks like so much money. To us we hope it is the amount that will help us conceive our baby.

You probably just read that and now are feeling kind of bored well our life has been anything but boring lately. We have been all over this country visiting family and you know when you visit family during the holidays it is never boring, drunken card game, fights with siblings.. All the fun stuff.

Now to the emotional stuff. My Husband is deploying some time within the next 8 weeks. Just hopefully enough time to do the IVF and for him to leave. The only thing I can plan on is being an emotional roller coaster the next 7 months. He might be gone before we even get to the BFP or BFN! It makes me sad to think about him not being here with me but I am also trying not to get to emotional about it as I know the IVF will be emotional on a normal day! I have had a few people say "well why don't you just wait till he gets back". When you have almost been trying for 4 years you don't want to wait any longer. I have a wonderful support system so I feel lucky that way. I hate the big WHAT IF... What if this doesn't work and I am home all alone and still not pregnant?

We are lucky my dad is driving down from WI to take care of our dogs the 3 weeks we will be away. So I hope to have a date for my baseline appointment by the end of the day. I will be starting Lupron sometime soon too as I only have a few days left of my birth control. I have never taken Lupron before so i am not sure how these shots will feel and how I will feel on them. If anybody has any thoughts on the Lupron I will take them!

I am sorry for not blogging as much the last few weeks. I hope to catch up the next few months.

Great News at 7:45am!

So this morning was an early awakening. Let me just say I am not a morning person at all! Morning usually starts at 11am. LOL

Well this morning started with an early 7:45am phone call from a number I didn't know. It was the IVF center at Walter Reed saying they had gotten our referral letter and test results from my RE Dr. S and that she was sending me a packet for step two and that we are on schedule for doing IVF with them in January..... OMG WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO .

I am excited beyond belief. I was getting worried we were cutting it to close. Knowing that Dr. S was pretty sure we were going to need ICSI I was extra worried as there are only 30 slots for ICSI at the WR Military Medical Facility.

Next is trying to get my husband a permissible TDY so he doesn't have to take leave. We are super lucky my SIL lives in MD so we will have somewhere to stay and have the extra expense of hotel.

I am just so excited and so happy and feeling like a huge weight is off my shoulders. What a way to start Monday!

Sunday Chili Sunday

Well it was chilly for Florida and I made Chili so I that is my Sunday in a nutshell. Oh I also watched football all day! Go Packers (and Brett Farve LOL) ! He is a crazy old man still great at playing football. Oh and he is the QB of my Fantasy Football Team! It got to a balmy 68 today. I love Fall! I have high hopes not to see 90 until June. But then again I live in Florida so 90 might be here tomorrow.

My BFF's son is having open heart surgery on Wednesday because of Atrial Septal Defect. He is 26 months old and such an amazing little boy who has no idea he has a broken heart that needs to be fixed so that he can really be perfect. I can not imagine the worry she is feeling. I know I will be worrying and praying for them till I can see them on Thursday. I was there for almost every Tuesday for the first year of his life so the last 13 months, and only seeing him once, has been hard. He has a very special place in my heart!

FYI: DH and I have decided we are going to wait until after the the first of the year to try IVF. The next few months are full of holidays and stuff. LOL So I believe a little bit more time will be the best. We will start with a fresh year and a fresh out look on our life.

And then there was ONE....

So this morning is not a good morning. After kicking up all my drug doses this weekend we only have 1 large follicle the rest just decided not to grow. So I am very sad this morning. I had such hope this cycle, and now it is pretty much over. I have wanted this baby so much so I cry with the thought another month is gone. My biggest concern now is not trying it again next month but is that the due date next month would be around the first of Aug. Well DH deploys for 6 months in Aug 2010. Why do I have such high hopes for having this baby and so many things just seem to not be right? So today I am sad for my one follicle that will never be more then that.

Cycle Day 14

OMG my ovaries must just be busting at the seem, they hurt today. Otherwise it has been an uneventful day. Another football Sunday, can't beat it! I will know so much more tomorrow morning! Another 715am appointment.

Cycle Day 13

Well the Dr called yesterday and said I wont be going back in till Monday. Today is grocery shopping and steaks on the grill for dinner. I have become a coupon freak so I hope to save a lot of money today! Well I upped my meds to 225IU I feel ok. I just hate the shot I give myself in the morning I always have a headache. Have a wonderful Saturday I know I will!

Cycle Day 12

This is my ovary on drugs any questions...

This is a picture of my right ovary I have 2 follies at 13mm and 2 follies at 11mm. I have 2 follies on my left side one 11mm and one at 8mm. I have been praying for 6 eggs all week. I know that is kind of silly but for some reason 6 has been in my head since they told us about this. He also said my lining is at 5.2mm which is over the 5mm they like to see and I have a good 3 layers of sticky (uterine lining). That is certainly not the medical term but in the IVF world we all know the sticky is so important. Well they also upped my meds from 150IU to 225IU. We will see how this makes me feel tonight. My next US is a 9am Sunday. What a great Sunday morning. I think I am going to nap and let these follies keep growing.

Cycle Day 11

Oh my today was full of needles, I gave myself my morning shot which was normal but this afternoon DH and I decided to get acupuncture. Well maybe I decided and he went along to please me. I have read a lot of positive things about doing the acupuncture with IVF. I figure it couldn't hurt maybe help a little. I am going to go back within 24hrs after implantation to help them stick LOL. I just hope this gives us something positive. I would like to see DH count around 3-5 million so we wont have to have the ICSI done. So then spending $120 will actually save us $900. Either way a little positive thinking can't hurt either. I had 20 needles placed. 2 in each ear, 1 in between my eyes, 1 in each hand, 1 in each elbow crook, 3 in my belly, 3 in my lower leg, and 1 on the top of each foot! DH had 15 needles. He didn't seem to affected by it. A few years ago this wouldn't be even an option in DH eyes. Not really the Eastern medicine believer. Now I think he is willing to try almost anything to achieve a baby. Well tomorrow morning we have another US to let us know how these follies have progressed! Hopefully we will know when I will have to give myself the HCG shot to trigger the release for the extraction. Oh and also maybe have a picture or two of my follies!