Friday, October 9, 2009

The Giver

Well TGIF, this week has been a big roller coaster of emotions and I am not sure if i feel like the roller coaster is over yet. I have been trying to put myself first over the last few days and that is hard for me. I am a pleaser.. woo i said it! LOL I tend to put peoples feelings and needs over my own and in my life I have gone to the extreme of doing this and have gotten heartbroken by friends because of it too. It was reviled to me about a year ago that I need to not feel bad if I only give 50% to a relationship, whatever that relationship maybe. That if people really care about you they will come that other 50% to make a realtionship whole. I always have been ok with give 75% and loving the feeling of "Wow what I just did really meant a lot to that person and some day they will do the same for me". Well it doesn't tend to happen that way. So many people are takers they have no feeling (or if they do it is a little) of "I hope I can do the same for that person some day". When their giver or pleaser is gone or no longer giving or pleasing they just find a new one and this ends up leaving the giver crushed.
I do not know how to stop being this person. I have tried really tried and it seems when I become not enough of a giver when I back up to my 50% so many people seem to fail me with coming that other 50% of the way. And then they get mad at me and I become a little more broken.
So what do I do when I want put myself first and take time for myself and don't want to be a giver for a day, a week, or a month. How can I do this without making people upset at me? Then I feel the need to give again to not have them mad at me.
I am not really looking for answers I am just feeling the need to put how I am feeling out there. I am not even sure if this all makes sense. I has just been an emotional week and this will pass too.

Oh BTW we have decided we will go with a Traditional IVF we just are not sure when we will start it.

2 comments:

  1. I came across your blog from Suzy's blog. I think we all have a sense of wanting to please other people more than taking care of ourselves. I think you are just a person with a big heart. But it's okay to want to take care of yourself first. Putting yourself first doesn't make you any lesser of a person. A lot of times it seems like we give and give, but no one is giving back to us. That's okay though, because as long as you continue to have a desire to serve, your life will be blessed.

    Good luck with the IVF!

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  2. Thank you very much for your positive words. congrats on your Positive Test!

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